


Need you close to me

by brokutoo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Depression, Gotta love iwaoi angst, Happy Ending, I'm sorry for any misspellings, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Lots of Crying, M/M, Maybe other characters too, Minor Character Death, No Fluff, Parent Death, Suicide Attempt, depressed oikawa, iwaoi - Freeform, iwaoi angst, maybe smut too idk, ok maybe some fluff too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:46:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7428040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokutoo/pseuds/brokutoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was at a loss for words.<br/>Oikawa didn't want this.<br/>He didn't want to break his boyfriend's heart.<br/>But as their relationship fell apart, so did he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!I'm Nicole.  
> This is actually my first time ever posting a fanfic,i usually write them down lol.  
> This will be ongoing, i think.  
> Have fun reading(?) lmao

  Oikawa always knew that there was something wrong with him. He had done much research into it, he was aware of having a disorder, but he couldn't tell his mother anything.She would call him crazy; She wouldn't get treatment for him.

 Although, having Iwaizumi around made him feel a lot better. He was the only person apart from Oikawa that knew this, the only person that could calm him down.

 After his father's death when he was ten years old, his mother never smiled anymore. There was nothing that could make her happy, not even her own son. Not long after she started overdosing on alcohol, and always came back home late at night. She stopped talking to her son, stopped caring for him.

 Oikawa knew this, but he decided not to care.

 Spending time with Iwaizumi besides practice made him happy, he wanted to keep him in his life, but his social status prevented him from doing so. He was popular, he had girls obsessing over him, about his good looks, how he was so talented at volleyball. This was all bullcrap to him. They didn't know who he was. They just loved the mask covering his exhausting, pitiful life. He had gotten tired of denying innocent girls' confessions, and so had Iwaizumi.

 Keeping his love life stable was impossible for Oikawa.He had so many girls following him around, so many responsibilities, so much  _burden._ He wanted to spend his whole life with Iwaizumi. He wanted to get married to him, and possibly adopt children. But daydreaming about the future now would be pointless, as Iwaizumi was getting tired of Oikawa spending more time with girls that he barely knew than himself.

 He knew that he somehow had to tell his mother that he was gay, but he was certain that he would get kicked out of the house. His homophobic mother's image of his future was to settle down with a girl, getting married and having a life around women, but not that she cared much. He could get hit by a car and still be none of her concern.

 Oikawa knew this too, but he ignored it anyways.


	2. Inconvenience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohayooo!! Updating often is hard.  
> back to the story,,,

 “What do you mean you want to break up?!” Oikawa shouted, loud enough for the whole park to hear him.

Iwaizumi had asked if he wanted to meet up to talk, and to Oikawa's confusion for why did Iwaizumi come up with the sudden invitation, he gave in. It had been a windy day; making him wear heavier clothes to his meet-up. He grabbed a coat and put it on, making sure to check himself out in the mirror. It was an expensive, leather coat, with metalic buttons filling it all the way up to his neck. He was wearing a yellow - green turtleneck, and blue jeans matching his navy shoes. It wasn't often that he and Iwaizumi met apart school and practice, they hadn't gone on many dates yet - let alone on a park. Oikawa was getting concerned. He had skipped a whole day of practice to meet him, and so had Iwaizumi. Couldn't they talk during practice? Oikawa was confused.

It was a bad day, and Oikawa really didn't want to go out. He had a sinking feeling, he felt like throwing up. He wanted to go to practice. It was only Sunday, but still. _Guess it's better than staying home,_ he thought. His mother wasn't home anyways - she never was, so Oikawa didn't have to come up with an excuse for why he was leaving. But he still did go, if that's what his boyfriend wanted.

When he arrived at the park, he noticed Iwaizumi sitting on a nearby bench. As he approached him, he could see he was wearing a jacket, barely covering his arms. He was wearing a light, grey sweater, black trousers and red Vans. He saw his face - his usual, grumpy face. But he looked more down; like something was bothering him. “It pains me to see Iwa-chan in such a bad mood. Did you get hurt?” Oikawa asked with a grin, putting his hands on his pockets and sitting down next to him. “Shut up, Trashykawa,” he said, giving him a glare.

The park was quiet, there were people chatting, but it wasn't enough to be called noise. It was beautiful, many trees covering the relaxing area, with many wooden benches filled by other people and a man selling ice cream cones. The wind was blowing into their faces, making Oikawa shiver. It had been colder that he expected, and he was glad that he had chosen to wear his warmest coat. He would be suffering otherwise.

“What was that you wanted to talk about? I had to skip one important day of practice, you know,” He whined. It indeed was important; Spring was coming on it's way and they had to practice more often than usual. Not that any other day of practice wasn't as important to Oikawa, though. He loved volleyball. It kept him occupied; he was free of all his negative thoughts that came rushing to his head every day. It was one of the little things that Oikawa liked, at least he did now. He wanted to feel alive again. He was tired of dragging his feet everyday.

“I have been thinking for a while now,” Iwaizumi started, cutting Oikawa off of his thoughts.  _It has to be something important,_ Oikawa thought.  _It's not like everyday he asks me to skip practice just to meet him._ The wind flowed into both of their faces, slighty harder than before. “ _It may rain”_   Oikawa could hear some ladies talking, and it wouldn't be really surprising if it rained. It had been a very windy day, the weather was cold. It was days like this, Oikawa hated. He hated the cold, the bad vibe the coolness was giving. It forced him to stay inside, trapped in his thoughts. 

“We rarely see each other, and it's your fault. I can't keep having a relationship with someone that doesn't pay attetion to me. I'm getting tired of you,”  _Huh?!_  

He let out a forced laugh. “Y-You're joking, right?!” Oikawa stuttered. What was Iwaizumi saying? Why would he want to break up with him?

Iwaizumi shook his head. “I'm serious, Oikawa. I'm breaking up with you,”

 _Silence._ Silence was all Oikawa could hear, not even his own deep breathing. Iwaizumi's words kept replaying in his head, over, and over, and over again. “ _Stop that!” 10 year old Oikawa giggled to the boy throwing snow at him. They giggled together, falling on the snow and staring at each other. “I had very much fun today,” Young Oikawa started. “Thank you, Iwaizumi!” Oikawa offered a big smile, laughing with his friend. A few minutes later, Oikawa's mom called him. He looked up at his mother's face and instead of seeing the usual smiling face of hers, he saw nothing, simply nothing.“ I had been given a phone call,” Oikawa's mother started. “Daddy was in a car accident. He didn't make it” She said, pretending not to see the tears that started to roll out of her son's eyes._ Oikawa felt exactly like back then, given the worst news. Tears started to roll out of his own eyes. Iwaizumi was everything he had. Iwazumi was the most important person to him. He didn't have anyone else. No one else loved him like Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was his whole world, the only one who understood his agony. He couldn't break up with him now - not at this state. It may have sounded selfish, but Oikawa didn't care.

“What do you mean you want to break up?!” Oikawa shouted, loud enough for the whole park to hear him.“You can't break up with me! You're being unreasonable!” Oikawa knew it wasn't true, it was his fault, even if he refused to admit it. He paid attention to girls he wasn't interested on more than him, but it's not that he could help it. Covering their relationship was hard, and Oikawa thought that flirting with girls would help get the spotlight out of their secret relationship. And it did, though. Enough to tear it apart.

He stormed out of the park, half-sobbing half-running, and Iwaizumi didn't go after him. Oikawa's eyes went wide. _I'm all alone now._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go,,, NUUU MY BABY OIKAWA ;-;


	3. Say something, I'm giving up on you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so  
> i rl wanted to make this rl emotional heh  
> listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

 It has been 8 days since they talked to each other. Except from practice, of course. Oikawa kept calling and texting, but Iwaizumi never replied to him.

Slender thumbs pressed at the letters of his phone's keyboard, sending another message to his ex- boyfriend, even though Oikawa didn't want to admit it.

He sighed, falling down into his bed and throwing the small machine somewhere next to him. He stared at the ceiling, the pure white paint and the circle shaped lamp. It was late at night, around 12am, and he figured that his mother must have fallen asleep. He got up, tiptoed his way downstairs, and neared the fancy decorated kitchen. It was surprising, funny even; Oikawa's mother cared more for the house's decoration more than she did for him. She's a perfectionist, and they'd have similar traits, if she didn't change tragically. She wasn't abusive. No, that's not how Oikawa felt. She just stopped playing the role of a mother. Treating her son like he's a stranger, Oikawa just felt like both of his parents were dead. He got himself a glass of water, slamming shut the fridge's door. He's still waiting for the moment she'll kick him out of the house. But he had nowhere to go; No place that he belonged to. If his mother didn't want him anymore, he'd go with the aliens, that cared more for him, he thought.

“Tooru?” The short female called out. There was only one lamp lit in the entire house, and Oikawa could see through the dark that she was dressed. Intense red lipstick with a ton of makeup covering her face, a short black skirt and a creme blouse, with black high heels. Oikawa almost laughed out loud. He was used to seeing his mother like this every night when he was still awake. She looked at him for a while, before procceding grabbing her expensive purse and leaving the house without saying a word. Oikawa knew exactly where she was going. He was used to it, after all.

He felt like crying. He threw the half full mug into the sink aggressively, storming his way upstairs to his bedroom. Once he was got there, he just stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched. He clicked his tongue, grabbing the nearest object next to him and tossed it to the floor with so much force that made it shutter. It was made of glass, it seemed, but Oikawa couldn't care less. He threw himself on his bed, as he screamed violently. The neighbours could have heard, if it wasn't muffled by a big pillow.

 

 

 

_piiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

Oikawa groaned.

As the alarm kept beeping, he tried to turn it off.  _Tried._

He slowly reached his hand out, trying to find his alarm next to him. He accidentaly rolled off the bed, hitting the carpeted ground with a loud bump. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. He could see that his arm was bleeding, with little pieces of glass stuck on it. “I'm so stupid...” He whispered to himself. He was also feeling very dizzy, his vision blurry and he guessed he had a fever. Slow steps walked over to his bathroom, lazily opening the door and he almost fell down. He steadied himself on the sink, breathing heavily. He looked at himself on the mirror, his pale face looking down on him.

Disgusting.

He felt tears starting to come out, but he blinked them back. This was not a time to cry.

He opened his bedroom door, and with a low voice, he called out. “Mother.” It wasn't even a question. He didn't have to be polite with her. “I have a fever. Bring me pills.” He simply said. He sat down on the corner of his bed, grabbing his phone and sending a quick message to Iwaizumi. All the texts are kind of similar; Oikawa begging Hajime to make up with him, how much he misses him - but Iwaizumi never texted back. Oikawa was losing hope.

_Oikawa, 8:12 AM_

_I'm sick, Iwa chan. Im not going to school or practice_

He was cut off his thoughts when his door shut open, It was his mother, of course. She gave him a frowning glare. Her face had no expression as always, no emotions, no anything. She started at him for a while before tossing a bottle of pills and a thermometer at him. She didn't even bother giving him water. And with that she left, not saying anything, not doing anything, obviously unaffected by her son's illness. He blinked. Was he expecting anything else? No. He took one pill, stuffed it in his mouth and swallowed it. He grabbed the thermometer, and waited till it beeped. A minute of complete silence passed, and the thermometer beeped. He brought it up to his face, not surprised with the results.  _37.8 ._ He laid himself down into his king-sized bed, and grabbed his phone. He found himself scrolling through his and Iwaizumi's old messages.

 

_4 October 2015 14:28 PM_

_iwa chann!! guess who_

 

 _Iwa chan, 4 October 2015_ _14:32 PM_

_Don't wanna know_

 

_4 October 2015 14:33 PM_

_You know you love me ;)_

 

_Iwa chan, 4 October 2015 14:35 PM_

_Shut it, trashykawa_

 

_4 October 2015 14:36 PM_

_Oooooh so you do love me? ;))_

 

_Iwa chan, 4 October 2015 14:37 PM_

_What's up with the double chin?_

 

_4 October 2015 14:38 PM_

_Don't try to change the subject, Hajime_

 

_Iwa chan, 4 October 2015 14:39 PM_

_I'm leaving_

 

_4 October 2015 14:40 PM_

_You sure are, liar :P_

 

_Iwa chan, 4 October 2015 14:41 PM_

_stop with the emojis!_

 

_4 October 2015 14:42 PM_

_What's wrong with the emojis??! o:_

 

_Iwa chan, 4 October 2015 14:43 PM_

_stop_

 

_4 October 2015 14:44 PM_

_make me ;)_

 

 _Iwa chan, 4 October_   _2015_ _14:45_ _PM_

_..._

Oikawa grinned. They used to be so close back then, despite Hajime's tsundere personality. As he scrolled down, he came across the newest messages. Oikawa's messages.

 

_Oikawa, 5 January  17:58 PM_

_Iwa chan please reply to me_

 

_Oikawa, 6 January 13:41 PM_

_i respect that you need time but reply please_

 

_Oikawa, 7 January 19:17 PM_

_I'll forgive you we can make this work out please_

 

_Oikawa, 7 January 22:45 PM_

_Iwa chan please_

 

_Oikawa, 8 January 10:29 AM_

_Good morning Iwa chan_

 

_Oikawa, 8 January 12:11 PM_

_Please reply to my calls_

 

_Oikawa, 8 January 23:51 PM_

_I still love you please_

 

_Oikawa, 9 January  2:32 AM_

_Im having a break down again please text me_

 

_Oikawa, 9 January  2:37 AM_

_I need you so much_

 

_Oikawa, 9 January 12:49 PM_

_Im not okay Iwa chan_

_Oikawa, 10 January 21:34 PM_

_Im having those thoughts again_

 

_Oikawa, 10 January 21:47 PM_

_Help me...please..._

 

_Oikawa, 11 January 8:59 AM_

_It's all my fault i know_

 

_Oikawa, yesterday, 15:13 PM_

_Please forgive me_

 

_Oikawa, yesterday, 12:27 AM_

_I cant live without you_

Oikawa didn't want this.

He didn't want to break his boyfriend's heart.

But as their relationship fell apart, so did he.

_I'm broken._

_I've got nothing else left._

_No one cares for me anymore._

By now, Oikawa was crying. Loudly, that was. He was tired of crying silently every night. His mother had left, she couldn't hear him. Even If she was, she'd ignore it.

It hurt.

Iwaizumi always knew. He was there for him everytime Oikawa needed him.

Oikawa wasn't normal. They both knew that. He couldn't be fixed, and he needed help. He couldn't get it, thanks to his mother. But Iwaizumi's love helped him, even a little. Now, he had gotten worse. He couldn't turn back. Hajime didn't love him anymore.

Oikawa sobbed violently. Tears streamed down his pale face.

_Iwa chan._

_Iwa chan._

He didn't get a reply.

The room was silent, except from Tooru's painful crying that echoed in his room.

_Empty._

It was true. Oikawa knew.

_There's no point in living anymore._

He nodded to himself. His eyes made their way over to the pills, and he watched them hungrily. A sad smile formed in Oikawa's face. Before acting his thoughts, he grabbed his phone and typed a last text.

 

 

 

Iwaizumi was sitting on his classroom, not paying attention to the boring lecture. He rested his face on his fist, as he doodled on his desk. He flinched when a new message arrived. He knew who it was - no one else texted him while in class. Iwaizumi was getting worried for Oikawa; he knew that he had depression, but he couldn't help him anymore. He wanted to.  _No,_ he thought to himself.  _We broke up because of him._

“Right.” He mumbled to himself.  _I'm done with Oikawa._

He grabbed his phone from his trousers' pocket.

_28 missed calls and 56 unread messages._

He sighed. Accidentally, he pressed 'view' instead of deleting Oikawa from his contacts.

_Oh no._

_Oikawa, today, 11:26 AM_

_sub: You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye_

_I love you so much, Iwa chan_

_I'm so sorry for hurting you._

_I understand that you don't want me anymore, and I can't live without you_

_So i won't._

_goodbye, Hajime. I'll always love you._

Iwaizumi immediately jumped out of his chair, making the classroom's students look at him. His eyes widened, as he stormed out of the classroom. He rushed to Tooru's house, and he didn't think that he had ran so fast in his life. Ever.

The front door was locked, so without any doubt, Hajime kicked it down. He rushed up the stairs, finding Oikawa's room easily since it had a poster of aliens outside the door.

He immediately opened it, and it slammed open, revealing a sick Oikawa coughing up blood, with a empty bottle of pills in his slender hand.

“I-Iwa-chan..?” Oikawa managed to stutter out.

Iwaizumi took his phone out. He called an ambulance and sat down next to him.

“Idiot...” Iwaizumi cried out. He took Oikawa in his arms.

“I love you so much... Please don't leave me.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASPPPPPPPPPPP


End file.
